fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
