No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
