Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
