Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
