all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
