i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
