Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
