I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
