Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
