Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
