remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
