He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
