new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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