You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
