There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who died my cat blue again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
