So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
