You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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