You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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