my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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