u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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