my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
