So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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