sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
