Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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