she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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