Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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