K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
