Cold hands, warm shart.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
