Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
