so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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