oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
