margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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