So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
