im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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