I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
