Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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