You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
