do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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