Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
