god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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