oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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