This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
