That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
