Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
