I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was confusing and full of hummus
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
