We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have post one night stand depression
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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