found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
