Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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