I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize