make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
