You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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